I've lost my Mum and my Gran, both of whom were very dear to me, supported my family through those tough times, and then went through some really personal stuff myself which left me feeling very guilty and depressed about decisions I felt I had to make. Before I'd even had time to recover and get totally back on my feet I was thrown another curve ball and went through a really emotional breakup from a long term relationship. These sorts of events shake the foundations of what you believe and alter your life perceptions forever.
I'm reading this really great book at the moment by the tattoo artist Kat Von D. It's not very often that I feel really connected to a book but this one is really speaking to me, she talks openly about life, relationships, addiction, and battling peoples preconceived ideas about the person they think you are by the way that you look, or the things that you do, or the way people interpret what you say.
If I ever got famous and wrote a book I'd love mine to look as great as this one, and to be written as beautifully and honestly.
It's hard when you feel like you are are different, I mean how often do you hear embroidery and heavy metal mentioned in the same sentence? Lol. Yet these are two things that I really love. It's hard when you wish you were an artist but you just weren't born gifted, it's hard to go to bed at night and wonder whether you will wake up happy again the next day or if depression will have crept over you again for no reason that you can put a finger on, it's hard wondering whether the things that you try and do in the pursuit of being a good person are going to be thrown back in your face, it's hard when people make up stuff about you because they imagine you've done things that you haven't.BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR SAY OR HOW YOU CHOSE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE AS LONG AS YOU DO YOUR BEST TO REMAIN TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE AND THE THINGS YOU BELIEVE IN. At least that's what I think ......
